Some lessons learnt through the experience of rehabilitation

Below is a testimony of some of the lessons learnt by someone who has almost completed the program. It is amazing to see someone so broken, despondent and hopeless turn themselves around and find new meaning, new insight and new understanding about life.

Those most broken often turn out to be the strongest warriors for recovery and some of the greatest ambassadors of a new way of life.

I came to believe that I could not do this alone. I had built prison walls around my pain and brokenness and had no hope in sight. I had come to a place in my life where I found no reason to live or to fight for my survival. I found a sanctuary in Jahara where I could really start to truly reflect on myself. I realised there was no single human quality that more affected the outcome of my life than confidence. I realised that it was confidence that I needed in order to boldly advance in the direction of my dreams. Only with confidence would I be able to tackle some of the challenges with faith that I could handle them.

Recovery Began for me the moment I came to understand that life is not just about growing but respecting my disease. It was about equipping myself with the skills and knowledge needed not only to live more fully and effectively but also to ensure that my addiction did not rob me of life any more. Life has become a never ending learning experience for me which I have come to appreciate and nurture. Each of us have worked our program differently and each of our programs have changed and adapted as we have learnt and as we have grown in response to the different components of the process.

In jahara I reconnected to with God as I understood Him. I learnt and understood that if I was ever to overcome this enemy of mine called addiction that I would need to rely on something much more powerful than it was. I needed something greater to walk alongside me through this journey of recovery. As I began to realise and experience the progress I was making, and more importantly could witness the progress my fellow residents were making, I was able to start to believe that more was possible. What first appeared to me as a way out of a terrible life actually turned out to be a way in to a new life that I never thought was even possible.

After a while I learnt the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. I learnt that love doesn’t mean learning and company doesn’t mean security. That kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises. I began to accept my defects with my head up and eyes set forward, with the grace of a mature adult and not the grief of a child. I learnt to build my roads on todays ground because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for plans. My plans always seemed to fall down mid-flight however I came to realise that each time I let something go and experienced a degree of mourning there was an opening of new possibilities. Each time I went through that process I found a new freedom.

Learning about acceptance, love and compassion helped me to accept myself and practice these values on myself and not just others. I learnt that these were given to me without conditions and that I should give it to others with the same mindset. As my faith in the process deepened so my understanding of acting in good faith became clearer. I came to believe that I am truly strong. My commitment began to influence my behaviour and this new behaviour began to influence the results of my efforts. The process became a power much greater than myself. The reward I received for staying with it was a true feeling of peace with who I was and who I was becoming.

As an addict I lived a life of isolation caught up in my own pain. In recovery I learnt that I need to let people in for support and accountability. Life in Jahara encouraged me to interact and connect again with all the different personalities. This became a new way of living that I had not experienced before. The support and encouragement and acceptance I received from the community created an environment of safety which allowed me to be vulnerable and to accept who I really was rather than trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

I have come to realise that I can no longer allow my fears and feelings of inadequacies to stop me from my purpose of serving God. I have found people with integrity that can be trusted to stand by me through anything. I have found a place where I belong and where I can be who I was created to be. I am a grateful to be a grateful recovering addict.